Neorest - the best an ass can get

This is a thanksgiving! Having a bout of diarrhoea for the weekend and I was in and out of toilet >10x in 2 days until my bottom felt soooooo raw. I was asking God - how? Can you provide me quick relief?

Well, God's ways are not my ways indeed. On Monday as I checked into the hotel, I was suprisingly upgraded to the 36th floor of Signature rooms. Well, these rooms are nothing different I thought until I saw... the toilet bowl. Neorest!!

This machine has heated toilet seat and most importantly, rear cleansing spray!! Comes with pulsating, soft, strong, oscillating patterns... shiok!! Then after that, the best is yet to be. Just the dryer button!

So of coz over the week, my ass recovered from less toilet paper rubbing :)

So sing along with me along the tune of Gillete... just substitute the words... "Neorest, the best an ass can get!"

<沒有一天停止愛你>

It was during the preparation of the christmas carolling session that I was introduced to this song. At first instance, is it just a love song? Then my friend explained... it is sung from God's perspective - he never stopped loving me.

What an amazing view... God loves me yesterday, today and forevermore.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oK8xHZ3wfF0

MR lo...

I've loads of thanksgiving for this final in camp training. I was originally posted out to the holding list because I deferred for an overseas studies, but thankfully I was reposted back to 442 after two appeal emails. I really did mean what I wrote in my letters - that I wanted to finish off with the unit whom I spent my last 8 years with. The camaraderie that is built up with my fellow bunk mates and platoon is something I really cherish...

As we stood at the BMR listening to our CO giving the speech, it really felt gratifying. This is the unit that made legend by failing the ATEC during its active days. Never before and never after repeated. Yet as it began its second life as 442, the painful memory was not a nemesis but was turned to our source of strength as we strove to prove ourselves. We - yes we, including me - gave it our best. And re-wrote history we did - best ever ATEC 1 and ATEC 2 results in Armour reservist history, and we won the Best Armour Unit for three years! Memories of these years came back to mind... as if it was just yesterday when we reported to the old ATC in 2000 for our first ICT. We were also the last few who had such an experience.

The highlight of the parade came as the Brigade Commander said these faithful words "...I declare 442 SAR stand down". And that was it. We've served our nation and we're done our fair share. Its like hearing "well done good and faithful servant". Wow....

Over the ICT, I had the opportunity to share the gospel with a fellow spec who identified himself as "See" (we go by last names), and encouraged another brother Sze Wei as he struggled with mid-life concerns about earning power. May God continue to watch over their lives, and may See and his family come to know Christ some day.

I'll miss 442. A salute to the officers and men of this batalion.

Mixed thoughts...

My worship leader on Sunday shared after the service his thoughts on the worship. He was asked to put in the song "Draw me Close" in the midst of other songs he chose. Yet it did not seem to go with the flow. Still, he did it in obedience.

In his heart, he asked "Why Lord? Why do we have this song 'Draw me Close' in the repertoire?"

At the end of the message, he understood. It was all about abiding in God. And through the darkest times one experience, the cry of our hearts is to draw even closer to God! How amazing :)

Like the speaker, I had a dream on Sunday night. But I didn't have the "In Jesus' Name, I command... " incidents. Rather, I dreamt about her... but with another person.

In my conscious waking hours, I resolved to honor her decision and be strong. Yet the subconscious heart pain I felt in my dream was real. No, I can't lie to myself. How much more pain can I take Lord? This outcome is Your will Lord... will You strengthen me and give me the grace to accept it?

Things you don't say to your wife

Came across this really funny song with whacky lyrics! Enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iK2OakMoW_c&feature=related

Hey honey have you gained some weight in your rear-end?
That dress you wear reminds me of my old girlfriend
And where'd you get those shoes? I think they're pretty lame
Would you stop talking 'cause I'm trying to watch the game

If you're a man who wants to live a long and happy life
These are the things you don't say to your wife

I planned a hunting trip next week on your birthday
I didn't ask you 'cause I knew it'd be OK
Go make some dinner while I watch this fishing show
I taped it over our old wedding video

If you're a man who wants to live a long and happy life
These are the things you don't say to your wife

Your cooking is OK but not like mother makes
The diamond in the ring I bought you is a fake
Your eyes look puffy dear, are you feeling ill?
Happy anniversary I bought you a treadmill

If you're a man who wants to live a long and happy life
These are the things you don't say to your wife
If your a man who doesn't want to get killed with a knife
These are the things you don't say to your wife

The project is over...

Finally, get a decent weekend to rest, relax and hang out with friends. Strangely, I hadn't had monday blues for a long long time. Reconciled it to the fact that I hadn't stopped working so no "contrast" to feel. But this weekend, I have Monday blues BIG TIME! Once I stopped working, I seem to hit a wall... seriously dread going back to work (and the horror memories). Worse, all the sad emo thoughts come crashing in. It just feels terrible...

Then I had to make a mistake over lunch in passing a comment about a friend and in so doing created an offense. How I hate it that my tongue isn't yet tamed. So much for watching my tongue. Yes I apologised, but then... somehow feel a lingering fault. May the Lord be our healer.

The 90+ hour weeks

What happens when you have bosses who are workaholics and need very little sleep? Your lifestyle gets changed as well.
I've always wondered how they survive with so little sleep, but slowly found out that this endurance is built over time!

So I guess I'll commemorate this 2 weeks with a nice entry in the blog. Some of the more interesting quotes from my fellow no-lifers and slave drivers:

1. "Sleep is transient, but glory is forever!" - Michael
2. On National Day - "... send this to me by 10pm, and you can continue to work on the remaining slides from 10pm to midnight" - Krishna
3. "What? Only 90+ hours last week? You must be slacking!" - Ming Teck

Sam from my Christian Fellowship group in Cambridge emailed us all and shared about his struggle in finishing the PhD, but along with that came the Godly reminder not to give up that God will not put us beyond what we can bear. How timely ya? Like another friend told me, 不经一番寒彻骨，哪得梅花扑鼻香!

Actually this period of extreme exhaustion is also for a good cause. At least I don't have the energy to feel emotionally down. Press on... crushed but not defeated!

最黑暗的星期

最近坏事一连串的来。在工作上碰到了钉子，范了一些错误。

但今天那个被委托的朋友终于与我会面了。虽然她说的话带着勉励和安慰，但是结局还是一样。努力用了3个月的时间让心中的伤口复原，但在短短的那几分钟，那伤口又被撕裂了。无论我做多少的心理准备都不够。

曾经我只想乘我还能掌握自己的时间表好好的珍惜我爱的人。我也知道那只是短暂的时期，因为我在不久后，我将失去那自由。就算我想，也不一定会有时间陪她。但我也想得太远了。如今我真的没办法控制自己的时间，但她也已近走了。

太迟了。连最后的一个告别也没有。

她自幼了。也是时候我学会手放开，原谅自己，把这感情的包袱放下。

How bad it is to be falsely accused...

Managed to catch an episode of the show "难兄难弟" on Thursday over dinner.

In that episode, the main character Youquan (Christopher Lee) was being maligned by his buddy who stole business from their company, but covered his tracks by telling the bosses stories and making it look as if it was Youquan who was doing all these wrongs.

At that moment, I wondered - how terrible it is to be maligned, misunderstood and blamed for something that you did not do! Your entire reputation, your testimony, your character is all being called into question. Guilty until being proven innocent. Unforgiven.

What was equally bad was that the lady Youquan liked (Ruyi) also believed in these lies being told abt. So she too doubted him, but he never quite had the chance to explain himself. Instead of trying to defend, all he could say in his frustration was "why don't you check the truth first before accusing me?"

Isn't it the same for Christ when he took the blame and died on the cross? In His meekness He accepted all these pain, accusations, because He loved us. I am thankful that I have not been falsely accused of anything. And may God's protection ever be around me that I will not be put to shame!

这是一片在一个月前所写的稿，但一直不愿意公房。如今，我想也无妨。
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摄氏42度，无情的太阳照着干旱的夏天。心中是多么的其待雨。

人在中东，担心却留在新加坡。 我曾以为最大的距离是那分离6000公里印度洋。但现在才知道最难越过的是围绕着人心里那无形，冷漠的墙壁。

曾经在某人心中的花园种下一颗种子，也不惜一切的爱护栽培它。但有了那道墙，我已无法继续当那花园的园丁。在长期忽略和没有下雨的情况下，不知道那颗种子是否还有生存的力量？那瓶未喝完的白酒，还有机会再次一同享用吗？

在我心里的疑团仍然存在着 - 我和他之间，究竟发生了设么事? 她是否前早已作了决定，而被委托传话的朋友却是因为过于忙碌而忘了传呢？我不知道。 我真的不想放弃，只能继续的期待。但对她而言，这一切可能已经成为被反锁的过去了。如果她的冷漠代表着拒绝，那我只能默默的接受。但我深感遗憾这结局。两个人的生命似乎变成了平行线。

她坚决的冷漠似乎否定了我的自我价值。过去的几个月，我天天背着沮丧的心情上班。失去了信心，觉得自己很可怜，很不配。我也变得冷漠，几乎不愿意与异性朋友单独交谈。得确，爱得越深，伤得越痛。

在追求爱情当中，没有对或错之分。我在这几个月经历了许多。也有美好的回忆。了解了真正爱一个人所愿意付出的感觉，也体会了爱的力量。

A bigger bottle of coke

I came across a simple video skit that spoke of the coveteousness of our hearts. In the video, Jesus was giving two people gifts. At first the lady was grateful for her small can of coke... but when she saw the guy's 500ml bottle being a bigger gift, she started to envy...

"You always give everyone else more than you give me!"
"That's what I want... go get it for me!"
"Isn't that just great? Why are you holding back your best from me?"

Ugly words that proceeded from her mouth showing coveteousness, comparison, one's own plans, etc. But pause.... how often do I also say things like that to God?

In the play, Jesus told her "You're letting everyone's gifts steal your joy... " Isn't it true how easy it is for one to be ungrateful and start complaining? Even if life is a mad rush, take time to pause. Do I still hear that still small voice?

I do.

Believer's Priesthood

I wondered if I should go to the worship teach in, especially with a piece of work hanging on my head. But I chose to go, and was tremendously blessed. It was a moving message by Pastor Jason about the believer's priesthood.

Our identity is in Christ - we are called to be princes and priests - a royal priesthood. Of course, there are duties of priests, one of which was to offer sacrifice and atonement. In those days, what is it the high priest did that he can enter into the Holy of Holies? He acted more righteous than others? No. Even he had to burn incense until the smoke filled the air, before he dared to enter. That is his attempt to cover the nakedness of the skin, which symbolised sin.

Often I busy myself with activities, seeking out what I should do in line with God's will, how can I serve him where I am. But that itself sometimes brings frustrations as the path forward is clouded and unclear. But God called us not to be human doings, but human beings. He desires devotion before service; obedience before sacrifice. Works are important, but it is not what we do that defines who we are. How true the often quipped saying "We can be ministers in the house of the Lord, but not meet the Lord of the house."

So what is the heart of worship? Matt Redman was once asked by his pastor to not use musical instruments for his worship the next day. He struggled with it, but from this struggle birthed these words:

"When the music fades, and all is stripped away
and I simply come
Longing just to bring, something that's of worth
that will bless your heart...

... I'm coming back to the heart of worship
and it's all about you, it's all about you Jesus"

How sweet are the words in Psalms 23 that says "You annoint my head with oil, my cup over flows." God is able to bless us so much!

Bless me Lord... I want to be restored. I want to be forgiven. I want to clean dust off my altar of worship and once again render praise.

Experiment...

Just before leaving Dubai, I decided to do something that I always wanted to test - whether it is hot enough to fry an egg on the sidewalk in Dubai.

If only I can upload the photo evidence...

Conclusion... you can't fry an egg on the sidewalk, even if the air temperature is 42 deg celsius! It didn't work... but the experiment got me late for a case team meeting which we all were promptly scolded by the manager!

Still... worth finding out right? ;-)

Today at service SP Dan Foo repeated his message from the YA Camp about God giving wisdom in decision making. His example was about relationships.

(To the ladies) God will give wisdom for you whether to choose "Richard or Robert". Then I turned to Daniel and asked "so what happened to Ricardo?" We burst out laughing :)

In the afternoon I received an sms from SY asking to meet up. I guess its finally time for the day of reckoning... it has been 2 months?

I once looked with hope at the door in church which had this message "Don't give up on that which can still be redeemed". But not giving up is one thing; by far the harder thing is accepting the outcome. Adapting from Reinhold Niebuhr's quote, "God, give me the grace to accept with serenity the things which I cannot change..."

The wedding...

I've been inspired by Aaron and Cynthia's upcoming wedding to write a brief parable about the wedding. It isn't perfect, but well, here goes...

Like a wedding, the preparation to the flight has so much ground work to be done. Fixing the flight schedule, getting the right authorizations from airport authorities, getting the passenger manifest and seating arrangements ready. Along the way, you have the ground staff and cabin crew to help run the checklists and ensure that everything goes as planned.

Finally, you come to the day where the flight is scheduled. Everything goes as planned at the airport - the passengers arrive and are seated... cabin crew ready the cabin for take off. You find yourself positioned at the start of the runway.

Then you exchange the vows and in that magical moment, you have... lift off.

From then onwards, it is the you, the groom and bride who are the pilot and co-pilot, who must together ensure that the plane keeps flying safely through the journey of life. The plane symbolises the marriage, fueled by love, and held up by hand of God.

When you're tired, your co-pilot will support you to take over the helm; and when she's tired, you'll be there too. The journey is not always smooth - you may encounter turbulences along the way. But keep the faith that the plane will reach its final destination safely - the kingdom of God. And yes, you'll always have the cabin crew (our band of brothers and charlie's angels) who stick through with you along the way.

祝福你们 :)

Worship

Every Sunday I discover how I miss corporate worship and service... the gathering of God's people together and hearing a multitude singing praises to the Almighty. Something that singing along with youtube or online surmons cannot fully replace. Indeed worship is about ascribing worth back to God... Darlene Zschech calls it aptly "worth-ship".

I really want to pick up the guitar again... to once again know what it is to strum and sing to the Lord. Will it be self practice? Finding a teacher? I don't quite know yet.

"I will worship You" by Matthew Ward

My God is faithful, My God is truthful
My God is boundless in all He is
My God is wisdom, My God is righteous
My God is vision for all who seek

Chorus
So I will worship You in the beauty of holiness
And I will worship You for the things You've done in me
And when my life's complete I place my crown at Your feet
And I will worship You on bended knee!

My God is power, My God is glory
My God is ruler over all that is
My God is timeless, My God is justice
My God is mercy to the Oppressed

Curiously, when Darren asked "what is my one wish", I surprised even myself. The very first thought that came to my mind wasn't romantic love, wealth or health. Perhaps I was inspired by the above song. I wished for the salvation of everyone on earth. That includes all my loved ones. Includes the forgiveness of my sins. And that also means the end will arrive. No more suffering, no more pain, no more tears... just joy in the presence of God because everyone is saved. So who needs a billion dollars in God's economy? ;-)

Sunshine Cleaning is a simple movie about the life of two sisters, Rose and Norah who dismal lives do not turn out the way they hoped for, and having to cope with the sudden loss of their mother.

Rose is a single mum, working to bring up her son. It isn't easy - trying to be a good role model, a responsible parent, earning income to survive while finding people to mind her child for her when she's away.

And there was a scene where they had a reunion of college friends. This is usually a warm affair, except that ever so often people start comparing how they have fared since graduation :(

Rose bravely shared about her crime scene cleaning company (which she calls "bio-hazard"), but alleges that she found it meaningful work to be able to help people who have just had a loss. This sense of purpose was mostly fabrication. But... listening deeper, all she was asking for was just something fundamental - some dignity, respect, pride, please.

As I watched, I asked myself - what is the strength of her heart that enables her to go on? It is love. She loves her family, her sister, her son, her father. For me, this settles it. Some live chasing transcient dreams of honor, glory, wealth or power. Challenging peaks, climbing corporate ladders, gold medals. Others (myself included) just yearn for a simpler alternative - to be accepted, to love and be loved.

Procrastination

It is time I kept a checklist of the things I have been procrastinating about... maybe I might be more disciplined after this!

1. Find a tax agent to file my German taxes and claim reimbursement
2. Transfer my money from German account back to my Singapore account
3. Replace my watch battery
4. Replace my pair of white sneakers
5. Tidy my table at home
6. Get my guitar strings fixed and start practicising/learning
7. Join a guitar class/find a teacher
8. Ask for my SAF100A to confirm that I can join my unit for ICT

Still there's another list that I can only hope for... those that really matter to me, yet I can do little about but pray continually...

Simple things to give thanks for...

Does God answer to needs? SP Dan Foo says no. But then... I did pray for some "needs" and God did answer them :)

On Friday I felt that I would have a seriously bored Saturday with absolutely no plans apart from working. So I thought... exercise will be nice. SMS-ed Chuili to ask if we could set up a gym session for Sat PM, and then... it happened! Wow... what's the odds that three friends will be free to join! Nice :)

One important item on my prayer agenda was for my dad and brother to mend up their relationship. On Sat night when catch up with dad over dinner, he told me that my brother wasn't well this week and had to see a doctor. But the amazing thing was his calm and concerned tone of voice! All the anger is gone... thank God!

I was rather sianz this weekend from working my weekend away. Yes, the joy of the Lord is my strength. But I griped that I could also do with a little tangible bit of help from God, e.g. my boss to tell me no need to do that piece of work? And then today, to my great surprise, my boss REALLY told me that the report I was writing is now on the 'backburner' and off my hands! WOW

I once prayed for an opportunity to have another sharing session with my German colleague, Paul. This divine appointment came today over the road trip back to Abu Dhabi. Unplanned. We both started off complaining about working our weekends away for the trash can, but then we drifted onto things that mattered to us most. Time spent with family, loved ones and friends. I gradually shared my testimony, who Jesus is, what He did for me, my gratitude and love, why church isn't a ritual, what worship meant to me, how my life and character has changed since conversion...

I found that he used to be an altar boy at a catholic church until he went to college... and though he is not a practising catholic, he does fondly recall a week he spent in Rome on an "altar boys trip" as one of the happiest in his life. I don't know if this conversation changed his life perspective, but I pray and hope it planted thoughts about Christianity and what having a faith is all about.

So all this has been a very good. Praise God!

Insights from Melaka

Just came back from Malacca on a 3-day church camp. I set out the camp with just two objectives: rest, and being open to hear God. Yet I had a heavy heart, and started out the second day really poorly - practically guy's version of "PMS" day! I was not able to pay attention at the morning segment, but going outdoors for the amazing race was a good change. I really took it out on the swimming pool - until a kid puked into it!

On the second night, I quickly recognised from the message that I fitted the classic definition of being "burnt out"

- Physically exhausted - check
- Growing less sensitive/finding it hard to shower concern to others around me - check

The causes of the burnout are rather apparent. Looming work deadlines = stress; helping colleague rush his work last week = less sleep for 2 nights; family quarrel = more emotional outpouring to emphatize, trying to be a peacemaker; lack of sleep in the camp... I had "panda eyes" by Sunday evening.

But being burnt out is no licence to be insensitive or critical. I regret having passed hurtful remarks over Sunday lunch that I shouldn't have. Can't believe I was so insensitive! Yes, I apologised and was graciously forgiven. But why do I still make such mistakes? I'm disappointed that I am so imperfect, that I still fall so easily. So now I know if I get too tired, I could get into a poor mood. I must then watch myself, and choose the wiser thing to say or say nothing, or just retreat away lest I sin.

So I wondered - if I just minded my own business, loved less, cared less about my family, about helping my colleagues, I wouldn't be so tired, hurt or burnt out. But that would be like what a speaker once said. It is possible to do that. Carefully wrap my heart with many layers, protect it from all possible hurts. And eventually, I would have... a perfectly DEAD heart.

The other lesson I learnt was about discerning God's will. I likened our Christian lives to driving along a highway towards heaven, with God's love as our fuel. Our destination is secure, the general direction is firm, yet the specific lane to take is not often clear. There can be traffic jams, accidents that could happen. The only assurance is that whatever path we take, we will eventually reach heaven, if we stay on the expressway. Yet I so often spend much time and energy wondering what is the correct lane to drive in? Which is God's specific road for me?

Ever so often, the obstacles along the way make me wonder if I had chosen the wrong lane, departing from God's will. Then I pray hard and seek for the right lane again. Perhaps with the idea that if I chose the right path that God planned for me, everything will be smooth sailing, blessings overflowing.

But that perhaps is only romanticised. Someone asked me "What if God told you, Xianghui, this is the path I have for you. But it is full of obstacles, curves and danger. Will you take it?" Yes, that could happen! And my immediate answer was unequivocally "Is there a choice? Yes I will"

Two things I got from this camp
(i) Switch the highway around and also the journey itself. Maybe what matters isn't which lane I take, but how these lessons and incidents I encounter along the way mould my character. These things are important too!
(ii) Sometimes especially for the grey areas with nothing to do with right or wrong, there may not be one specific lane. SP made it quite clear - I will stand guided by my conscience and the peace that guards my heart after having prayed.

Thus is my prayer, Psalm 19:14, "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord."

Still alive!

Thank God I'm still alive! Encountered yet another near accident along Shk Zayed Road at 120km/h on the way back to Dubai yesterday. It's so scary to think what the alternative would have been if not for God's protection!
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On a lighter note, I overheard an interesting conversation between a couple recently and thought it was rather funny, so decided to doodle it down:

Not taking things for granted

Just two Fridays ago, I got into a near car accident, almost ramming my dad's car into the back of a taxi. I guess the lack of sleep really affected my judgment. Thought that the taxi would turn at the flashing right arrow, but he didn't. Thank God the tyres are new, and screeched to bring my car to a halt as I slammed the brakes on. For that instant, I was left in a daze. But totally realising the fragility of life!

Then immediately after came the grim reminder of AF447. Indeed modern aviation has shrunk the world, making point-to-point air travel a routine. But no matter how confident we are in modern technology, the wisdom of man can be confounded. This brought to my mind a conversation I had with a gym attendant in the hotel that I stay in, who turned out to be a Christian. We were encouraging each other, and he said one thing "I am ready to go home to meet the Lord, because Jesus lives in me!" (hand pointing to his heart). Amen!! Such is the confidence of a believer :)

I made it a point to bless someone each week. And today, the opportunity came to bless one person - a Korean colleague. He looked overwhelmed after a long work discussion with his manager.

So after that I said to him, "why don't you pass this document to me, I'll put it into charts, then send it you so that at least you'll have a first draft and can save some time". He looked to me in amazement and said, "That will be great! You sure you can do that?" "Yup" I replied "will send it to you later tonight".

Sure it takes a bit more time from me, but this makes a world of difference for him - afterall he did share that he slept only 5 hours for the past 2 days!! I guess a little bit of kindness will go a long way :)

A testimony to Your faithfulness

Yesterday morning I thought, "well, it's a boring Friday". As I looked at the highway in the distance, suddenly it struck me - wasn't this my prayer request?!! Wow! God is faithful, even when I am forgetful.

Just four weeks ago, major blocks of my life shifted out of place (e.g. dad's health) and I was asking "God, is it too much to ask for a life like most other 30-year olds, who are probably busying themselves building their marriages or careers, rather than having to worry about their parent's health? If it is Your will, please take this yoke from me..."

That I could blog about this today is already a testimony of God's faithfulness. My dad's ok now! He has indeed restored one block of my life to what it was before! Really filled my heart with gratitude.. God is faithful :) In the evening I went to W&I and to my greatest surprise, the theme was "Thanksgiving"!! Ah... sweet divine appointment.

One of the passages that I came across was in Luke 17:11-17.
"11Now on his way to Jerusalem, Jesus traveled along the border between Samaria and Galilee. 12As he was going into a village, ten men who had leprosy met him. They stood at a distance 13and called out in a loud voice, "Jesus, Master, have pity on us!"
14When he saw them, he said, "Go, show yourselves to the priests." And as they went, they were cleansed.
15One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back, praising God in a loud voice. 16He threw himself at Jesus' feet and thanked him—and he was a Samaritan.
17Jesus asked, "Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine? 18Was no one found to return and give praise to God except this foreigner?" 19Then he said to him, "Rise and go; your faith has made you well."

God answered the requests of the 10 lepers, yet only 1 came back to Him to give thanks. And what Jesus said was so telling - "Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine?" Clearly He expected the others to have the decency to at least come back and say "thank you" for the least.

I'm just glad that God has put in my heart enough sensitivity to my senses and to have a thankful Friday :)

看了《敗犬女王》的感想

曾经有个朋友问我，无双最后会选择跟谁在一起呢？是卢卡斯还是元浩学长？

当时的我觉得卢卡斯的真情，在同学会上所说的话已足够感化无双。但是看完了第12 集，一瞬间发现到爱情是那么脆弱的。卢卡斯与无双那么多的经历，也为了她做了那么多，就在那么一瞬间，在她遇到旧男朋友人全都被遗忘了？ 而他们两个人的人生，真的就这样变成了平行线？

换一个角度里看，我能体会那宋学长的嫉妒，也了解他那句话“要跑多块才能填补我们六年的空白？”一个人从没希望到有希望，当然会用生命，用一切的去珍惜。

男人都想为爱情努力。但放弃往往却是最难做到得。

戏还没演完，我还有6集等着去看。现在的我，依然希望卢卡斯会坚强。就算是被摔了，也要勇敢地走你的人生。加油！

Being a man after God's own heart

I just finished reading the book of 1-2 Samuel, where the centrefold character is King David. I often wondered - David is described as a man after God's own heart. So what did he do that was deserving of such high accolade? David had his share of faults too - adultery; masterminding the death of Uriah; unjustified treatment to Mephibosheth who met him when he returned to Jerusalem; non-forgiveness on Shimei who cursed him...

Yet as I reflected upon his life in the two books, some points came across:

1. Faith
David went up against Goliath in his youth. Was it mere ignorance? Doesn't seem like it. He knew that even seasoned soldiers feared Goliath. Yet it was pure faith that gave him the confidence to say "You come to me with a sword, with a spear, with a javalin.. But I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel whom you have defied." (1 Sam 17:45) Wow... if only I have the same faith say that to the problems in my life and thereby overcome them too!

2. Recognition of God's presence in his life
In many psalms that David wrote during difficult times e.g. hiding from Saul's pursuit for his life, David started crying out to God in anguish for deliverance, for help... but yet he often ends in praise of God. Such is his recognition that God is able and mighty to save, that he has a big God in spite of his problems!

3. Seek God first
Before he went up against the enemy, many times David enquired of the Lord first (2 Sam 2:1; 5:17, etc). This reflected his moment by moment living in obedience to God's will and awareness of His presence, that he does not want to do things out of his own will or desires.

4. Wholehearted worship
In bringing back the ark of the covenant into the city, "David danced before the Lord with all his might" (2 Sam 6:14). Imagine the king looking like that, so undignified. How will his subjects think? Even his wife Michal dispised him as she saw him doing that! Yet David's response was single minded - it was done before the Lord. He is fully prepared to be even more undignified than this.

When he was punished by God for growing prideful and doing a census on the Israel army, he made a defining statement in his repentence - "nor will I offer burnt offerings to the Lord my God with that which costs me nothing." (2 Sam 24:24). Such was his heart of worship.

Yes, David had his failings. But it was his heart's attitude that set him apart, his coming back to God always. This to me, is sufficient revelation. May it be that I too would grow in maturity to be a man after God's own heart.

Thanksgiving

Praise God! Dad's health is mending. His appetite is gradually restored and we are hoping to wean him off painkillers within this couple of days.

Last Saturday evening, my dad was resting after a bout of vomiting. I sensed that he was still rather worried about why he is still feeling pain after Dr Yap has given the “all clear”. There was a strong leading in my heart to pray for him to grant him peace. But how? My vocabulary of Chinese prayer is so limited!

The time window was closing. He started walking to his room at 930pm, and I still hadn’t received anything pointers from the cell group yet. Still, I went ahead and asked dad if he would let me pray for him. To my surprise, he stopped and agreed, and even allowed me to lay my hand on him! I said a very simple prayer in faith： “慈爱的天父，谢谢你让我们从医生口中知道爸爸的身体没有设么大病。希望你能让爸爸的身体变好，明天起来肚子不会在痛了。这样祷告是奉主耶穌盛名请求，阿门”。

As I reflect upon this entire episode, I give thanks for His faithfulness to me. For the opportunity to bless my own family, to tell them that I love them, to pray for my father. It has also drawn my family closer together.

I give thanks also for friends who are willing to stand by me and my family in love. For my cell group who prayed faithfully alongside me; for friends who offered to visit my dad.

Yet through this period, there was only one bible verse that was ever sent to me for encouragement - Psalms 125:1-2: “Those who trust in the LORD are like Mount Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever. As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the LORD surrounds his people both now and forevermore.”

And how timely. It came at mid-week when I was completely feeling drained, physically and emotionally. In my prayer requests I asked for prayers only for my dad, but not for myself. And there I was, ill and weary, hanging onto that last bit of faith. So thank you for the verse, for it affirmed me and refilled my hope in God in my time of need. I may not have replied then, but it was precious.

Farewell, Cambridge

It was my graduation yesterday. And I didn't go back to Cambridge.

I once imagined walking down the the Senate House, dressed in the black academic gown and receiving my degree. But that thought will like many others, remain forever a dream now. I miss dearly the faces and voices of my classmates, many of whom I'll probably never meet again. Thankfully there's facebook that I can use to keep in touch!

(Missing me from the picture of my Hughes Hall MBA classmates...)

Nonetheless, the fond memories of Cambridge 2007 will always be there. Having lunch at Queen's College with classmates; cooking dinner with Roland in Hughes Hall; punting by river Cam; sitting in the MBA room discussing GCP; having bible study at 66 King's Street with Chris, Humberto, Joshua, Chongyi, Yirong, Xinyi et al every Saturday evening...

Cambridge is a place where most people just pass through. Some like me form a figment of its history for just one short year; others perhaps three years as an undergrad or PhD student. Cambridge in 2010 will still be physically preserved, but the people have moved on. Hopefully for the better.

So farewell, Cambridge.

Not over yet? :(

When I finally got home yesterday, the first sight of dad was so heart wrenching - he had lost so much weight in the last 6 days! A mere shadow of his former self...

I brought him to a specialist, Dr Yap from Mt E who performed all kinds of tests - a scope on the stomach and large intestine, blood test, urine test and a CT scan of his small intestine.

And the grand diagnosis is... nothing. Yes, dad had a swollen intestine, but at least nothing that should result in such great pain. He then said, it is fine, just take the medicine (painkillers) and go rest. Should be stress related. Thank God for that. We had relief for half a day, had lunch together.

I was woken up today by mum who told me dad is in pain. No.....!!! I called Dr Yap who said, maybe its to do with micro-stones in the gall bladder, and suggested an ultrasound scan. Gee... I really hope he wasn't just playing "russian roulette" guessing with my dad's body organs!

So we obediently rushed went down to Mt E. Half a day later, the results showed a higher than normal count of white blood cells in the gall, but no stones, nothing that should cause such pain. Essentially, the specialist is erm... clueless :(

So the question remains, what is causing my dad such pain? (He's still vomitting this afternoon!) What more can be done?

Let go and let God...

In the past week, major blocks in my life came crashing down - all of which are beyond my control. I lost count of the number of times I asked God "Why did this happen?"; "What have I done wrong that displeased You?"; "Would You take this burden away from me?"

A friend commented today " I came to realise that you can be quite helpless and vulnerable unlike the Xianghui I use to know." How true. I am seriously worried about my father and hadn't had a good night's sleep since Saturday. So Panadol's been a good companion this week; but I've developed a cough as well.

Dad's stomach pain is still there; the X-ray results wasn't clear and a follow up appointment is needed, but it can only be arranged much later. He's developed an allergic reaction to the medication and has been vomitting and a rash outbreak. Worse, his former breathing difficulty came back as well. My heart pains when I heard updates from my mum and brothers. But apart from praying and tears, what else can I do?

As I prayed and reflected upon my circumstances, some realisations come to mind:

• I apply the principle to seek God for direction, then act on things. But perhaps I have been sitting in the "driver's seat" working on some issues for too long. Indeed for so many things, it matters not my best efforts or most sincere intentions. Maybe this is what God wants me to learn in this season, to turn the driver's seat back to Him. Let go and let God. I hear it loud and clear.
• How timely it was that I watched the video titled "Indescribable" last week. I still remember vividly that 5.188 billion miles = a light-year. But the key takeaway is just how big and majestic a God I have! Who am I that You care so deeply for me to die on the cross for my sins? You who are omnipotent are able to do all these things that I can't, if it is in accordance with Your will.
• I deeply love my family. Yes, even my dad, who's a hard and private man, a pre-believer but one who's responsible in all his ways. I thought about my family fondly during my days in Bonn, and evermore so now. So while I may not say this outwardly, I can say with all my heart, "I love you, dad".

"Abba Father, I fail in so many ways Your Holy standards. But thank You for the grace, for forgiveness of my sins as I acknowledge them. You alone know the trying circumstances in my life. Lead me in Your ways. Grant in me greater faith to see You bigger in my life. Help me to surrender my worries, concerns unto You, to let go and let You take over. I ask for Your healing hand upon my father that he will recover completely; preserve his life that he may know You. In Jesus' name, Amen."

God, will you take care of my dad?

Just last night I was planning for a mothers' day dinner tonight. Things turned out so different... Dad came back looking seriously pale, and went straight to lie down on the bed.

Then I was told by mum that he has been feeling pain in his stomach for past two days, and tonight it became intolerable. So it wasn't gastric pain or food poisoning etc. Something more fundamentally serious. Apparently even my elder brother didn't know about this!

My younger brother sent dad down to SGH's A&E, while I could only walk dad down to the car and wave goodbye. As I walked up, I teared. I felt so totally helpless and estranged, unable to contribute to my family. Dad's at A&E for treatment, and I had to go to the airport. Yes I'm thankful for my job, and its just a good job, but ultimately... its only a job. Must the two be dichotomous?

I plucked up courage to ask my elder brother if he still believed in God and would pray with me for dad, but he declined. So I prayed alone...

"O God will you hear my prayer this day, to deliver my father from danger; that no harm or illness will befall him; that he will receive careful diagnostics and prompt treatment at A&E and be healed. In Jesus' name, Amen."

Spoke with him on the phone before take off and told him that I am praying for him. But even right now I still don't know the full situation, but I hope and trust in faith that he will be fine.

Mighty to save
My Saviour, you can move the mountains,
You are mighty to save,
You are mighty to save.
Forever, Author of Salvation,
You rose and conquered the grave,
Yes you conquered the grave

Really tired...

It wasn't late by any count - only 9pm, but my head felt heavy last night. So I left the prayer meeting early at 930pm and hopped on a bus home. And somewhere along Tampines Avenue 10, I fell asleep...

Why was I so tired? Late Wed night rushing project work = 5 hrs; Red-eye flight on Thurs = 4 hrs. Stressed about outstanding work = 0 hrs at home on Fri AM. Guess my body is too used to the luxury of having 7-8hrs of rest - daily!

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Ever tried to rearrange your wardrobe? I've got new clothes to put in, thinking of getting some more, but not sure about what to do with some old ones. So I keep everything for the time being, fold some of the old ones into a corner to create space...

In a limited way, this is an analogy for how I use my time too. Set the important priorities in place first, then the small ones will fill the rest. Such is God's principle established in Matt 6:33 to seek first His Kingdom and righteousness...

Learning contentment

I recall SY mentioned recently in cell group this verse from 1 Tim 6:6
"Holiness with contentment is great gain"

How true. Even in small aspects of my life. I read recently about Parc Luminere apartments and wondering silently "if only I can buy one". The price seemed within reach, and Aaron and Cynthia managed to get a unit too! But I was knocked back to reality on Saturday when I was reminded that it is still subject to HDB rules!! I don't qualify. So "HDB boy" at heart or not, they don't want me...

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Taxi Woes Redux

We called for a taxi back to hotel and once again, our taxi driver confused our client's location with another place.

The last time this happened to me alone, I waited for him to drive over to our location. To me, yes, it meant waiting another 30min, but he is only just trying to make an honest living, and is doing his best effort to make up for a mistake. Moreover, he lost opportunity time to carry other customers by coming for me, I should at least honor him.

However I guess not for my team mates. We ended up just hailing another cab off the road and got on, and she called the other driver to cancel the booking. Was injustice done? Perhaps. Is there a right or wrong?

The depths of His word and will.. The principle established in 1 Samuel 16:7 was to me fundamental - that God does not look at the outward but at the heart. Perhaps I extrapolated a little too much out of context when I believe that God considers also our intentions, not just the outcome.

Came across a 2 Samuel 6 where David was bringing back the ark of God. During the journey, the ox pulling the cart (carrying the ark) stumbled, and Uzzah reached out his hand to steady the ark, but was struck dead by God! Did Uzzah not have good intentions?

I struggled with this a couple of days, then I was pointed to refer to bible commentaries - but of course! How come I didn't think of that? The Matthew Henry commentary made it quite clear:

1. They carried the ark in a cart or carriage, whereas the priests should have carried it upon their shoulders (e.g. Numbers 7:9). The ark was not a heavy burden!
2. Only priests may touch the ark. Even for the Kohathites (bearers of the ark), the law was clear that they were to carry the ark by the staves and "must not touch any holy thing, lest they die" (Numbers 4:15).
3. God would hereby strike an awe upon Israel that the ark was no less venerable for its having been so long in mean circumstances; that Israel will learn always to treat holy things with reverence and holy fear.
4. God teaches us that a good intention will not justify a bad action

Of course, this is perfectly consistent with God's character of being holy! Two lessons learnt: (i) I do need to read cross references to learn the context (ii) All those instructional pages in the OT that I usually skim through do mean something - 2 Tim 3:16-17.

=======================

Studied James 4 last Friday at cell group, and I shared that my takeaway was about watching my tongue. To my own surprise, the verse I acted on this week was 4:8: "Draw close to God and He will draw near to you..."

I usually read the bible while eating breakfast. But yesterday I missed this routine as I met new team mates also staying in this hotel, and it was rude to sit in a different table. So today I got up earlier at 630am to draw near to God before the daily rush, and spent a good time reading the bible and praying for everyone in my cell group.

And it was a peaceful, sweet time :)

Forgetfulness...

I am getting forgetful... still wondering if is it due to a lack of sleep? from aging? or just being a typical consultant?! Two weeks ago, I left my Nokia charger behind in my hotel room. I then went to another hotel for a meeting, only to leave behind my jacket! Thank God I managed to recover both.

Again last week, I forgot to pack my avacado facial cleanser... and this time, the hotel housekeeping did not find it :( And this morning as I unpacked my suitcase, I realised I packed a shirt with french double cuffs, but erm... I forgot to bring my cuff links?! Aiyo...

On a parallel note, a close friend pointed out my bad habit to me over two particular incidences on Fri and Saturday - something I never realised was so "engraved" in me - that I like to revisit old points quite a bit. But it also made me wonder... how is it I can remember events well, but forget things so easily?!

===========================

I recently came across a passage about King Saul which made me ponder a bit...

1 Samuel 16
18 One of the servants answered, "I have seen a son of Jesse of Bethlehem who knows how to play the harp. He is a brave man and a warrior... "
19 Then Saul sent messengers to Jesse and said, "Send me your son David, who is with the sheep."...
21 David came to Saul and entered his service. Saul liked him very much, and David became one of his armor-bearers. 22 Then Saul sent word to Jesse, saying, "Allow David to remain in my service, for I am pleased with him."
23 Whenever the spirit from God came upon Saul, David would take his harp and play. Then relief would come to Saul; he would feel better, and the evil spirit would leave him.

1 Samuel 17
55 As Saul watched David going out to meet the Philistine, he said to Abner, commander of the army, "Abner, whose son is that young man?" Abner replied, "As surely as you live, O king, I don't know." 56 The king said, "Find out whose son this young man is."
57 As soon as David returned from killing the Philistine, Abner took him and brought him before Saul, with David still holding the Philistine's head. 58 "Whose son are you, young man?" Saul asked him. David said, "I am the son of your servant Jesse of Bethlehem."

On this same topic, I wondered... David served as Saul's personal armour bearer. He even personally equipped David to go out to meet Goliath! But in 1 Samuel 17, he sounded like he has never met David before!

As usual, my mind started drawing a probability tree...
P1 - Kings are of a high status, and they probably couldn't care less to remember their many subjects/servants. Thus Saul didn't bother to remember who David was, however much a favourite he is
P2 - Saul was getting forgetful.
P3 - Saul just doesn't remember names well (like me!)

Given that the latter passages did not describe Saul having a poor memory, I am inclined towards P1! So what do you think?

On a more application side of things, my memory works far better with numbers, but really poorly with names. So I hope can start to remember names of acquaintances better...

Thunderstorms...

I had my first MD review on the work the team did this past month. After looking through my presentation, he asked one question: "What is the value you have added to our client?"

My project manager chipped in to defend, explaining that indeed there was only limited room for value adding etc. But I was speechless. The brutal truth was... indeed not much.

Did I do my job poorly? Probably not, or otherwise my manager would have picked up on me earlier. But just so suddenly, I felt disillusioned. Am I really able to add value to clients? Is it the fundamental nature of my job? or perhaps this particular project is unique?

Uncertainty, unanswered questions...

========================================

Once again, I waited over 1hr for a taxi which I ordered. After some time, the driver actually called and said "5 minutes more" (not bad, or so I thought!). I was naive enough go wait in the carpark but he came... 30 minutes later :(

Haiz.... why can't he just give me a truthful estimate? **Kick myself for being stupid**

Yes, I'm slowly getting numb to long wait times, and now even to false estimates. But seriously, it would REALLY make life nicer if there is a solution to this transport problem...

Giving thanks for little things in life

Watched the movie "Handsome Suit" recently. One of the scenes had the female lead suggest a game to capture the happy moments of other people around using pictures. This gave rise to some scattered thoughts that I wanted to list about thanking God for simple, happy things:

1. Sitting in the shade overlooking the sea and having a relaxed chat; appreciating the beauty of blue skies and how God made them...

2. A conversation with a colleague last week led us to agree on one thing - the lifestyle we live now is but a "bubble". Once we quit, all these 5-star hotels with magnificent bathrooms will disappear from our lives too! So I resolved - I grew up as a simple HDB boy, and will stay as such :)

3. On a recent flight home, I sat beside a Philippino who shared that he had to take another 3 hr flight from SG to Manila, followed by land travel to get home. It struck me that while I was already very thankful for the opportunity to go home, I ought to be even more so because my home Singapore is so convenient with a direct flight!

4. Thank God for the invention of... ear plugs! Now I no longer have to fear the wrath of babies in planes!










Now if only all babies are like this...

Choosing to believe in God's goodness, that He cares

As I spent my quiet time this morning, I reflected on easily I am stirred by circumstances, or by things that I hold tightly. As I spent my quiet time this morning, I came across 1 Samuel 1, and was struck by how Hannah's faith kept her strong and even gave her hope.

Here she was, in an endless and hopeless struggle, being provoked was one thing; genuinely desiring to have a child is yet another "right" of a lady. In all fairness, all she wanted was just a child. Was she asking for too much? No. But even so, she was denied this for years. Naturally she was depressed.

6 And because the LORD had closed her womb, her rival kept provoking her in order to irritate her. 7 This went on year after year... 10 In bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the LORD. 11 And she made a vow, saying, "O LORD Almighty, if you will only look upon your servant's misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the LORD for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head."

15 ... Hannah replied, "I am a woman who is deeply troubled... I was pouring out my soul to the LORD 16 ... I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief." 17 Eli answered, "Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him." 18 She said, "May your servant find favor in your eyes." Then she went her way and ate something, and her face was no longer downcast.

But the transformation came when she has finally prayed a prayer, surrendering what she held so dearly to God. Yes it does sound a bit like she bargained with God (i.e. "if you grant me this, then I will..."). But she prayed at the altar, laid down her struggles, accepted the priest's blessings and was no longer downcast. Years of pain, almost instantaneous relief!

I may not be depressed like Hannah, but I do have some struggles esp. at work with tight time pressures mounting. Claiming 1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." He will provide me the way out :)

There are many ways to tell if a hotel is good, and these days, I look at the quality of ... the bathroom :)

Was recently put in a suite in Le Royal Meridien hotel at AD and the bathroom was... Magnificent!  Can't believe it but the bathroom was actually bigger than my HDB bedroom.  Notice the rain shower over the bath tub, and the flower beside the basin?  

Thankful for the bliss of being pampered, albeit just for 2 nights...

  

Chanced upon MCYS' new advertisement. Take out your tissue box!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nw0s4C0g5SM

Just reminded me that even though I am so imperfect, I am beautifully imperfect in God's sight.

Personal Retreat and the Test

The past weekend was very good - and thank God for the trip back. The chalet on Fri night helped to prepare my heart on the theme of my personal retreat, and the highlight -- Saturday breakfast! Such a privilege :)

My meditation was on the character of Christ... His love, grace, patience (long suffering). I revisited a brief passage in Matthew 9:2-6 where Jesus healed the paralytic. The situations I often meet -- being inconvenienced by selfish/rude/inconsiderate people or just bad circumstances -- these can ruffle my feathers. But here, Jesus healed a paralytic, but others accused him of blasphemy! It is another extreme altogether!

How would Jesus feel? He must have felt severely frustrated being maligned. Indignant. Defensive. After all, He is also a man. So many pairs of eyes looking at Him, some hoping for him to stumble, others just wanting to see the show. How did He react?

Calmly. With a tinge of compassion.
He asked a simple question "Why do you think evil in your hearts?"

There was no exclamation mark. In a simple act of grace, He turned their malice away, focussed not on their evil but instead offered love and a second chance to repent. How beautiful.

So how can I mould my character into being more Christ-like? Of the bible's many verses, two came to mind:

• Psalms 1:2-3 "But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night. He shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in season... and whatever he does shall prosper"
• John 15:6 "I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me, you can do nothing."

Yes, I acknowledge my flaws - risk of bad temper, too quick to speak, etc, and I truly want to change. Indeed as the passages remind me, I must cherish Christ in my heart, abide in Him, meditate on His words and His ways. Then over time, out of the abundance of my heart, my mouth (and actions) will speak forth Christlikeness! Yes, it is a long journey, but I've already started on the way...

The test came swiftly. Arrived at AD in the evening, pressed to finish some work for Sunday but... my internet connection failed. Time pressure + inconvenience (paid for internet connection that doesn't work) = perfect recipe for bad mood for the whole evening.

Yet I was at peace and not in a bad mood. The technician came, tried but couldn't solve the problem. I thanked him for his efforts and just decided to pray, close this day to God. This morning as I walked to breakfast, I saw the technician and we smiled, greeted each other. A nice human touch.

I later met a colleague who solved my problem - the firewall!! God is merciful - I didn't have to stay alone in the client's office late at night without aircon or water to work! And... I passed my first "post-retreat" test. Praise God :)

First view @ a rich land of deserts

Its been rather unusual weather - it rained, and the air is actually misty (see the grey pix overlooking the corniche). So its been rather cool weather. Needless to say, the locals are delighted :)















Over the last 3 days, I've picked up some interesting insights/advice:

(i) Greet in Arabic "Salaam Alaykum" - that actually means "peace be with you". Nice huh... the rest of the world just say "Hello". (Come to think about it, what does "hello" actually mean??)

(ii) Guys - never EVER offer a handshake to a woman. She will stretch out her hand IF she wants. Incidentally, the probability of her offering a handshake is inversely correlated with how tightly she covers/bundles her head in the black cloth/veil. So if you can't see her hair...

(iii) The toilets are almost invariably designed with the toilet paper on the left of the toilet bowl (reason is obvious right? Right hand used to eat...)
*Humm... I wonder if HDB bears this in mind when they design toilets on floors typically allocated to Malay families??*

Lessons from the wars in OT

As I traced the path taken by God's people through the books in the Old Testament, I often imagined myself as a character living amongst them. From that point of view, God is with us and would drive out our enemies before us so that we can possess the land across Jordan river that God promised (Joshua 3:10).

Yet I struggled to understand how a God of compassion and love would demand His people to ensure the total annihilation of their enemies whose land God has given to them. Various examples are given:

• Joshua 6:21 "They devoted the city to the Lord and destroyed with the sword every living thing in it - men and women, young and old, cattle, sheep and donkeys."
• Joshua 8:24-27 "When Israel had finished killing all the men of Ai in the fields... all the Israelites returned to Ai and killed those who were in it... as the Lord instructed Joshua"

Surely God could have allowed Israel to conquer them but keep them alive, perhaps as a colony who would pay annual "tithes" to Israel, or even less, as mere slaves?

Today, I thought... yes, God could. But He could have three objectives:
(i) He wants a complete victory over the sin in their lives, not to leave any bit behind
(ii) God is Holy and he wants His people to be set aside, not to compromise by marrying pagans who worship other idols
(iii) For those who were vanquished, God was using Israel to execute judgment against them.

So I thought, the first point is probably most critical - the complete victory over sin in our lives. To live for God means we cannot compromise and live on with sin. Rather, we must eradicate them completely, however "acceptable" the alternative may seem.

Prayer:
God help me keep my mind focussed on You and give me a heart of thanksgiving. Help me to choose to praise You in all circumstances. Guard my thoughts especially when the going gets tough and frustrations mount. Help me always to think of "what would Jesus do", and to capture my thoughts, emotions to the obedience of Christ. Amen.

I had an irrational fear last month when I started work that I will have to go away.  Now that fear has come full blown - I'm headed off to Dubai for 3 mths.   Goodbye cell retreat, goodbye Bangkok trip and goodbye YA camp.

But it isn't all bad as I initially imagined.  In fact, God has been very good.  The company agreed to let me return fortnightly, and the staffing manager even arranged for me to take a course at end-April.  Thank God!! So while the first month is usually the toughest, I have something to look forward to :)

A close friend encouraged me to use this time to seek God and build my faith, and that is what I would do - during the weekend, away from the busyness of activities and people...  just me and God.  Think it will be awesome just watching the sun set over the blue waters and singing praises to God at the beach.  

For now, just hope I live up to the my manager's expectations, and that my two credit cards survive the expenditure!!

The Father's embrace

It is my nephew's 1-year old birthday celebration today.  I saw him reach out to my brother and cry "urrgh!"  He can't quite talk yet, though he's making all sorts of noises.  But that "urrgh" and the body language of reaching his hands up towards my brother was his clear sign that he wanted to be carried. 

It just reminded me of a Daily Bread article I read recently.  Indeed, isn't it the same between me and God, my Abba Father?  I too yearn for His attention, the reassurance of His love.   

As I raise my hand in worship, this too is my personal signal saying, "Father! Here I am, your child. Will you carry me?"

And He did :)

Fixing my eyes on Jesus

I shared with the guys last Fri about my struggles to "keep my eyes fixed on Jesus" in spite of all circumstances in my life.

What does it mean? I was drawn to Peter’s water walking feat. When he heard Jesus’ voice call him, when he obeyed and stepped out of the boat. He’s a fisherman! Surely he knows that's foolish and he’ll sink from years of experience! Yet he got out of the boat... and became the only man on earth (apart from Jesus) who actually walked on water!! Yes, he slipped when he shifted his gaze from Jesus to look at the winds. but hey, Jesus grabbed him nonetheless! Didn’t get wet or lose his wallet, mobile phone etc! ;-)

So over the span of the week, I’ve collected some thoughts, read some books and studied His word. The bible does give some insights.

Zacchaeus - a wealthy chief tax collector wanted to see who Jesus was. But he was a man of short stature, and figured he probably couldn’t see Jesus through the crowd. Then he did an incredible thing - he climbed a sycamore-fig tree to look (Luke 19). And he got more than a look - Jesus came to his home!

A rich young man (Matt 19) went up to Jesus asking how to get eternal life. "What good thing must I do?" He too saw Jesus, even conversed face to face! But there was a slight difference –his heart. Was he seeking the gift or the giver? All I know is that he went away sad.

Martha opened her home to Jesus, and she busied herself with the preparations that had to be made, e.g. cleaning up the place, prepare food and drinks etc, absolutely necessary since it must have been day time and hot when Jesus came. Yup, I would imagine if the Prime Minister of Singapore comes to my home, I’d have to do some cleaning up and drink pouring etc too!

But through this all, she must have shifted her focus from Jesus Himself and what is He interested in, to providing for what she believed were Jesus’ needs (e.g. food & drinks), or on even how messy her house is (perhaps feeling self-conscious? Or just trying to be a good host!). It must be tiring. Having gone through SAF and B-School, I fully understand the dislike for “skivers”!! So in her anguish Martha might have cried, “This is not fair! I’m doing all this work! Lord, tell her to do all these together with me, so that we can all sit down together earlier!”

How many times do we echo such thoughts? “Its not fair!” or perhaps for a partner saying “Why do you think I’m working so hard? I’m doing all this to earn more money to provide you a better life!”

Perhaps things would have been different if Martha paused, fixed her eyes on Jesus and sensed what He really wanted? It was as simple as her being by Him, her willingness to listen to him. This Mary did.

So it is as a boy fixes his gaze on the girl he likes, I should learn to fix my eyes on Jesus. And listen.

* * * * *

I was walking to buy lunch yesterday in the busyness of Raffles Place. The crowd suddenly parted to both sides like the red sea. And I saw someone in front, seated on a wheelchair, holding onto a donation tin and trying his best to get attention. But most in front of me skirted around him, continuing their quest to fill their tummies.

I stopped. Reached into my wallet and put something in the tin. Sure, it wasn’t much, but that’s the least I could do. I hope Jesus smiled, because for that split second, I had my eyes on Him :)