The depths of His word and will.. The principle established in 1 Samuel 16:7 was to me fundamental - that God does not look at the outward but at the heart. Perhaps I extrapolated a little too much out of context when I believe that God considers also our intentions, not just the outcome.

Came across a 2 Samuel 6 where David was bringing back the ark of God. During the journey, the ox pulling the cart (carrying the ark) stumbled, and Uzzah reached out his hand to steady the ark, but was struck dead by God! Did Uzzah not have good intentions?

I struggled with this a couple of days, then I was pointed to refer to bible commentaries - but of course! How come I didn't think of that? The Matthew Henry commentary made it quite clear:

1. They carried the ark in a cart or carriage, whereas the priests should have carried it upon their shoulders (e.g. Numbers 7:9). The ark was not a heavy burden!
2. Only priests may touch the ark. Even for the Kohathites (bearers of the ark), the law was clear that they were to carry the ark by the staves and "must not touch any holy thing, lest they die" (Numbers 4:15).
3. God would hereby strike an awe upon Israel that the ark was no less venerable for its having been so long in mean circumstances; that Israel will learn always to treat holy things with reverence and holy fear.
4. God teaches us that a good intention will not justify a bad action

Of course, this is perfectly consistent with God's character of being holy! Two lessons learnt: (i) I do need to read cross references to learn the context (ii) All those instructional pages in the OT that I usually skim through do mean something - 2 Tim 3:16-17.

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Studied James 4 last Friday at cell group, and I shared that my takeaway was about watching my tongue. To my own surprise, the verse I acted on this week was 4:8: "Draw close to God and He will draw near to you..."

I usually read the bible while eating breakfast. But yesterday I missed this routine as I met new team mates also staying in this hotel, and it was rude to sit in a different table. So today I got up earlier at 630am to draw near to God before the daily rush, and spent a good time reading the bible and praying for everyone in my cell group.

And it was a peaceful, sweet time :)

Forgetfulness...

I am getting forgetful... still wondering if is it due to a lack of sleep? from aging? or just being a typical consultant?! Two weeks ago, I left my Nokia charger behind in my hotel room. I then went to another hotel for a meeting, only to leave behind my jacket! Thank God I managed to recover both.

Again last week, I forgot to pack my avacado facial cleanser... and this time, the hotel housekeeping did not find it :( And this morning as I unpacked my suitcase, I realised I packed a shirt with french double cuffs, but erm... I forgot to bring my cuff links?! Aiyo...

On a parallel note, a close friend pointed out my bad habit to me over two particular incidences on Fri and Saturday - something I never realised was so "engraved" in me - that I like to revisit old points quite a bit. But it also made me wonder... how is it I can remember events well, but forget things so easily?!

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I recently came across a passage about King Saul which made me ponder a bit...

1 Samuel 16
18 One of the servants answered, "I have seen a son of Jesse of Bethlehem who knows how to play the harp. He is a brave man and a warrior... "
19 Then Saul sent messengers to Jesse and said, "Send me your son David, who is with the sheep."...
21 David came to Saul and entered his service. Saul liked him very much, and David became one of his armor-bearers. 22 Then Saul sent word to Jesse, saying, "Allow David to remain in my service, for I am pleased with him."
23 Whenever the spirit from God came upon Saul, David would take his harp and play. Then relief would come to Saul; he would feel better, and the evil spirit would leave him.

1 Samuel 17
55 As Saul watched David going out to meet the Philistine, he said to Abner, commander of the army, "Abner, whose son is that young man?" Abner replied, "As surely as you live, O king, I don't know." 56 The king said, "Find out whose son this young man is."
57 As soon as David returned from killing the Philistine, Abner took him and brought him before Saul, with David still holding the Philistine's head. 58 "Whose son are you, young man?" Saul asked him. David said, "I am the son of your servant Jesse of Bethlehem."

On this same topic, I wondered... David served as Saul's personal armour bearer. He even personally equipped David to go out to meet Goliath! But in 1 Samuel 17, he sounded like he has never met David before!

As usual, my mind started drawing a probability tree...
P1 - Kings are of a high status, and they probably couldn't care less to remember their many subjects/servants. Thus Saul didn't bother to remember who David was, however much a favourite he is
P2 - Saul was getting forgetful.
P3 - Saul just doesn't remember names well (like me!)

Given that the latter passages did not describe Saul having a poor memory, I am inclined towards P1! So what do you think?

On a more application side of things, my memory works far better with numbers, but really poorly with names. So I hope can start to remember names of acquaintances better...

Thunderstorms...

I had my first MD review on the work the team did this past month. After looking through my presentation, he asked one question: "What is the value you have added to our client?"

My project manager chipped in to defend, explaining that indeed there was only limited room for value adding etc. But I was speechless. The brutal truth was... indeed not much.

Did I do my job poorly? Probably not, or otherwise my manager would have picked up on me earlier. But just so suddenly, I felt disillusioned. Am I really able to add value to clients? Is it the fundamental nature of my job? or perhaps this particular project is unique?

Uncertainty, unanswered questions...

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Once again, I waited over 1hr for a taxi which I ordered. After some time, the driver actually called and said "5 minutes more" (not bad, or so I thought!). I was naive enough go wait in the carpark but he came... 30 minutes later :(

Haiz.... why can't he just give me a truthful estimate? **Kick myself for being stupid**

Yes, I'm slowly getting numb to long wait times, and now even to false estimates. But seriously, it would REALLY make life nicer if there is a solution to this transport problem...

Giving thanks for little things in life

Watched the movie "Handsome Suit" recently. One of the scenes had the female lead suggest a game to capture the happy moments of other people around using pictures. This gave rise to some scattered thoughts that I wanted to list about thanking God for simple, happy things:

1. Sitting in the shade overlooking the sea and having a relaxed chat; appreciating the beauty of blue skies and how God made them...

2. A conversation with a colleague last week led us to agree on one thing - the lifestyle we live now is but a "bubble". Once we quit, all these 5-star hotels with magnificent bathrooms will disappear from our lives too! So I resolved - I grew up as a simple HDB boy, and will stay as such :)

3. On a recent flight home, I sat beside a Philippino who shared that he had to take another 3 hr flight from SG to Manila, followed by land travel to get home. It struck me that while I was already very thankful for the opportunity to go home, I ought to be even more so because my home Singapore is so convenient with a direct flight!

4. Thank God for the invention of... ear plugs! Now I no longer have to fear the wrath of babies in planes!










Now if only all babies are like this...

Choosing to believe in God's goodness, that He cares

As I spent my quiet time this morning, I reflected on easily I am stirred by circumstances, or by things that I hold tightly. As I spent my quiet time this morning, I came across 1 Samuel 1, and was struck by how Hannah's faith kept her strong and even gave her hope.

Here she was, in an endless and hopeless struggle, being provoked was one thing; genuinely desiring to have a child is yet another "right" of a lady. In all fairness, all she wanted was just a child. Was she asking for too much? No. But even so, she was denied this for years. Naturally she was depressed.

6 And because the LORD had closed her womb, her rival kept provoking her in order to irritate her. 7 This went on year after year... 10 In bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the LORD. 11 And she made a vow, saying, "O LORD Almighty, if you will only look upon your servant's misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the LORD for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head."

15 ... Hannah replied, "I am a woman who is deeply troubled... I was pouring out my soul to the LORD 16 ... I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief." 17 Eli answered, "Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him." 18 She said, "May your servant find favor in your eyes." Then she went her way and ate something, and her face was no longer downcast.

But the transformation came when she has finally prayed a prayer, surrendering what she held so dearly to God. Yes it does sound a bit like she bargained with God (i.e. "if you grant me this, then I will..."). But she prayed at the altar, laid down her struggles, accepted the priest's blessings and was no longer downcast. Years of pain, almost instantaneous relief!

I may not be depressed like Hannah, but I do have some struggles esp. at work with tight time pressures mounting. Claiming 1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." He will provide me the way out :)

There are many ways to tell if a hotel is good, and these days, I look at the quality of ... the bathroom :)

Was recently put in a suite in Le Royal Meridien hotel at AD and the bathroom was... Magnificent!  Can't believe it but the bathroom was actually bigger than my HDB bedroom.  Notice the rain shower over the bath tub, and the flower beside the basin?  

Thankful for the bliss of being pampered, albeit just for 2 nights...

  

Chanced upon MCYS' new advertisement. Take out your tissue box!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nw0s4C0g5SM

Just reminded me that even though I am so imperfect, I am beautifully imperfect in God's sight.

Personal Retreat and the Test

The past weekend was very good - and thank God for the trip back. The chalet on Fri night helped to prepare my heart on the theme of my personal retreat, and the highlight -- Saturday breakfast! Such a privilege :)

My meditation was on the character of Christ... His love, grace, patience (long suffering). I revisited a brief passage in Matthew 9:2-6 where Jesus healed the paralytic. The situations I often meet -- being inconvenienced by selfish/rude/inconsiderate people or just bad circumstances -- these can ruffle my feathers. But here, Jesus healed a paralytic, but others accused him of blasphemy! It is another extreme altogether!

How would Jesus feel? He must have felt severely frustrated being maligned. Indignant. Defensive. After all, He is also a man. So many pairs of eyes looking at Him, some hoping for him to stumble, others just wanting to see the show. How did He react?

Calmly. With a tinge of compassion.
He asked a simple question "Why do you think evil in your hearts?"

There was no exclamation mark. In a simple act of grace, He turned their malice away, focussed not on their evil but instead offered love and a second chance to repent. How beautiful.

So how can I mould my character into being more Christ-like? Of the bible's many verses, two came to mind:

• Psalms 1:2-3 "But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night. He shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in season... and whatever he does shall prosper"
• John 15:6 "I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me, you can do nothing."

Yes, I acknowledge my flaws - risk of bad temper, too quick to speak, etc, and I truly want to change. Indeed as the passages remind me, I must cherish Christ in my heart, abide in Him, meditate on His words and His ways. Then over time, out of the abundance of my heart, my mouth (and actions) will speak forth Christlikeness! Yes, it is a long journey, but I've already started on the way...

The test came swiftly. Arrived at AD in the evening, pressed to finish some work for Sunday but... my internet connection failed. Time pressure + inconvenience (paid for internet connection that doesn't work) = perfect recipe for bad mood for the whole evening.

Yet I was at peace and not in a bad mood. The technician came, tried but couldn't solve the problem. I thanked him for his efforts and just decided to pray, close this day to God. This morning as I walked to breakfast, I saw the technician and we smiled, greeted each other. A nice human touch.

I later met a colleague who solved my problem - the firewall!! God is merciful - I didn't have to stay alone in the client's office late at night without aircon or water to work! And... I passed my first "post-retreat" test. Praise God :)

First view @ a rich land of deserts

Its been rather unusual weather - it rained, and the air is actually misty (see the grey pix overlooking the corniche). So its been rather cool weather. Needless to say, the locals are delighted :)















Over the last 3 days, I've picked up some interesting insights/advice:

(i) Greet in Arabic "Salaam Alaykum" - that actually means "peace be with you". Nice huh... the rest of the world just say "Hello". (Come to think about it, what does "hello" actually mean??)

(ii) Guys - never EVER offer a handshake to a woman. She will stretch out her hand IF she wants. Incidentally, the probability of her offering a handshake is inversely correlated with how tightly she covers/bundles her head in the black cloth/veil. So if you can't see her hair...

(iii) The toilets are almost invariably designed with the toilet paper on the left of the toilet bowl (reason is obvious right? Right hand used to eat...)
*Humm... I wonder if HDB bears this in mind when they design toilets on floors typically allocated to Malay families??*