Worship
Every Sunday I discover how I miss corporate worship and service... the gathering of God's people together and hearing a multitude singing praises to the Almighty. Something that singing along with youtube or online surmons cannot fully replace. Indeed worship is about ascribing worth back to God... Darlene Zschech calls it aptly "worth-ship".
I really want to pick up the guitar again... to once again know what it is to strum and sing to the Lord. Will it be self practice? Finding a teacher? I don't quite know yet.
"I will worship You" by Matthew Ward
My God is faithful, My God is truthful
My God is boundless in all He is
My God is wisdom, My God is righteous
My God is vision for all who seek
Chorus
So I will worship You in the beauty of holiness
And I will worship You for the things You've done in me
And when my life's complete I place my crown at Your feet
And I will worship You on bended knee!
My God is power, My God is glory
My God is ruler over all that is
My God is timeless, My God is justice
My God is mercy to the Oppressed
Curiously, when Darren asked "what is my one wish", I surprised even myself. The very first thought that came to my mind wasn't romantic love, wealth or health. Perhaps I was inspired by the above song. I wished for the salvation of everyone on earth. That includes all my loved ones. Includes the forgiveness of my sins. And that also means the end will arrive. No more suffering, no more pain, no more tears... just joy in the presence of God because everyone is saved. So who needs a billion dollars in God's economy? ;-)
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
Sunshine Cleaning is a simple movie about the life of two sisters, Rose and Norah who dismal lives do not turn out the way they hoped for, and having to cope with the sudden loss of their mother.
Rose is a single mum, working to bring up her son. It isn't easy - trying to be a good role model, a responsible parent, earning income to survive while finding people to mind her child for her when she's away.
And there was a scene where they had a reunion of college friends. This is usually a warm affair, except that ever so often people start comparing how they have fared since graduation :(
Rose bravely shared about her crime scene cleaning company (which she calls "bio-hazard"), but alleges that she found it meaningful work to be able to help people who have just had a loss. This sense of purpose was mostly fabrication. But... listening deeper, all she was asking for was just something fundamental - some dignity, respect, pride, please.
As I watched, I asked myself - what is the strength of her heart that enables her to go on? It is love. She loves her family, her sister, her son, her father. For me, this settles it. Some live chasing transcient dreams of honor, glory, wealth or power. Challenging peaks, climbing corporate ladders, gold medals. Others (myself included) just yearn for a simpler alternative - to be accepted, to love and be loved.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Procrastination
It is time I kept a checklist of the things I have been procrastinating about... maybe I might be more disciplined after this!
1. Find a tax agent to file my German taxes and claim reimbursement
2. Transfer my money from German account back to my Singapore account
3. Replace my watch battery
4. Replace my pair of white sneakers
5. Tidy my table at home
6. Get my guitar strings fixed and start practicising/learning
7. Join a guitar class/find a teacher
8. Ask for my SAF100A to confirm that I can join my unit for ICT
It is time I kept a checklist of the things I have been procrastinating about... maybe I might be more disciplined after this!
1. Find a tax agent to file my German taxes and claim reimbursement
2. Transfer my money from German account back to my Singapore account
3. Replace my watch battery
4. Replace my pair of white sneakers
5. Tidy my table at home
6. Get my guitar strings fixed and start practicising/learning
7. Join a guitar class/find a teacher
8. Ask for my SAF100A to confirm that I can join my unit for ICT
Still there's another list that I can only hope for... those that really matter to me, yet I can do little about but pray continually...
Monday, June 22, 2009
Simple things to give thanks for...
Does God answer to needs? SP Dan Foo says no. But then... I did pray for some "needs" and God did answer them :)
On Friday I felt that I would have a seriously bored Saturday with absolutely no plans apart from working. So I thought... exercise will be nice. SMS-ed Chuili to ask if we could set up a gym session for Sat PM, and then... it happened! Wow... what's the odds that three friends will be free to join! Nice :)
One important item on my prayer agenda was for my dad and brother to mend up their relationship. On Sat night when catch up with dad over dinner, he told me that my brother wasn't well this week and had to see a doctor. But the amazing thing was his calm and concerned tone of voice! All the anger is gone... thank God!
I was rather sianz this weekend from working my weekend away. Yes, the joy of the Lord is my strength. But I griped that I could also do with a little tangible bit of help from God, e.g. my boss to tell me no need to do that piece of work? And then today, to my great surprise, my boss REALLY told me that the report I was writing is now on the 'backburner' and off my hands! WOW
I once prayed for an opportunity to have another sharing session with my German colleague, Paul. This divine appointment came today over the road trip back to Abu Dhabi. Unplanned. We both started off complaining about working our weekends away for the trash can, but then we drifted onto things that mattered to us most. Time spent with family, loved ones and friends. I gradually shared my testimony, who Jesus is, what He did for me, my gratitude and love, why church isn't a ritual, what worship meant to me, how my life and character has changed since conversion...
I found that he used to be an altar boy at a catholic church until he went to college... and though he is not a practising catholic, he does fondly recall a week he spent in Rome on an "altar boys trip" as one of the happiest in his life. I don't know if this conversation changed his life perspective, but I pray and hope it planted thoughts about Christianity and what having a faith is all about.
So all this has been a very good. Praise God!
Does God answer to needs? SP Dan Foo says no. But then... I did pray for some "needs" and God did answer them :)
On Friday I felt that I would have a seriously bored Saturday with absolutely no plans apart from working. So I thought... exercise will be nice. SMS-ed Chuili to ask if we could set up a gym session for Sat PM, and then... it happened! Wow... what's the odds that three friends will be free to join! Nice :)
One important item on my prayer agenda was for my dad and brother to mend up their relationship. On Sat night when catch up with dad over dinner, he told me that my brother wasn't well this week and had to see a doctor. But the amazing thing was his calm and concerned tone of voice! All the anger is gone... thank God!
I was rather sianz this weekend from working my weekend away. Yes, the joy of the Lord is my strength. But I griped that I could also do with a little tangible bit of help from God, e.g. my boss to tell me no need to do that piece of work? And then today, to my great surprise, my boss REALLY told me that the report I was writing is now on the 'backburner' and off my hands! WOW
I once prayed for an opportunity to have another sharing session with my German colleague, Paul. This divine appointment came today over the road trip back to Abu Dhabi. Unplanned. We both started off complaining about working our weekends away for the trash can, but then we drifted onto things that mattered to us most. Time spent with family, loved ones and friends. I gradually shared my testimony, who Jesus is, what He did for me, my gratitude and love, why church isn't a ritual, what worship meant to me, how my life and character has changed since conversion...
I found that he used to be an altar boy at a catholic church until he went to college... and though he is not a practising catholic, he does fondly recall a week he spent in Rome on an "altar boys trip" as one of the happiest in his life. I don't know if this conversation changed his life perspective, but I pray and hope it planted thoughts about Christianity and what having a faith is all about.
So all this has been a very good. Praise God!
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Insights from Melaka
Just came back from Malacca on a 3-day church camp. I set out the camp with just two objectives: rest, and being open to hear God. Yet I had a heavy heart, and started out the second day really poorly - practically guy's version of "PMS" day! I was not able to pay attention at the morning segment, but going outdoors for the amazing race was a good change. I really took it out on the swimming pool - until a kid puked into it!
On the second night, I quickly recognised from the message that I fitted the classic definition of being "burnt out"
- Physically exhausted - check
- Growing less sensitive/finding it hard to shower concern to others around me - check
The causes of the burnout are rather apparent. Looming work deadlines = stress; helping colleague rush his work last week = less sleep for 2 nights; family quarrel = more emotional outpouring to emphatize, trying to be a peacemaker; lack of sleep in the camp... I had "panda eyes" by Sunday evening.
But being burnt out is no licence to be insensitive or critical. I regret having passed hurtful remarks over Sunday lunch that I shouldn't have. Can't believe I was so insensitive! Yes, I apologised and was graciously forgiven. But why do I still make such mistakes? I'm disappointed that I am so imperfect, that I still fall so easily. So now I know if I get too tired, I could get into a poor mood. I must then watch myself, and choose the wiser thing to say or say nothing, or just retreat away lest I sin.
So I wondered - if I just minded my own business, loved less, cared less about my family, about helping my colleagues, I wouldn't be so tired, hurt or burnt out. But that would be like what a speaker once said. It is possible to do that. Carefully wrap my heart with many layers, protect it from all possible hurts. And eventually, I would have... a perfectly DEAD heart.
The other lesson I learnt was about discerning God's will. I likened our Christian lives to driving along a highway towards heaven, with God's love as our fuel. Our destination is secure, the general direction is firm, yet the specific lane to take is not often clear. There can be traffic jams, accidents that could happen. The only assurance is that whatever path we take, we will eventually reach heaven, if we stay on the expressway. Yet I so often spend much time and energy wondering what is the correct lane to drive in? Which is God's specific road for me?
Ever so often, the obstacles along the way make me wonder if I had chosen the wrong lane, departing from God's will. Then I pray hard and seek for the right lane again. Perhaps with the idea that if I chose the right path that God planned for me, everything will be smooth sailing, blessings overflowing.
But that perhaps is only romanticised. Someone asked me "What if God told you, Xianghui, this is the path I have for you. But it is full of obstacles, curves and danger. Will you take it?" Yes, that could happen! And my immediate answer was unequivocally "Is there a choice? Yes I will"
Two things I got from this camp
(i) Switch the highway around and also the journey itself. Maybe what matters isn't which lane I take, but how these lessons and incidents I encounter along the way mould my character. These things are important too!
(ii) Sometimes especially for the grey areas with nothing to do with right or wrong, there may not be one specific lane. SP made it quite clear - I will stand guided by my conscience and the peace that guards my heart after having prayed.
Thus is my prayer, Psalm 19:14, "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord."
Just came back from Malacca on a 3-day church camp. I set out the camp with just two objectives: rest, and being open to hear God. Yet I had a heavy heart, and started out the second day really poorly - practically guy's version of "PMS" day! I was not able to pay attention at the morning segment, but going outdoors for the amazing race was a good change. I really took it out on the swimming pool - until a kid puked into it!
On the second night, I quickly recognised from the message that I fitted the classic definition of being "burnt out"
- Physically exhausted - check
- Growing less sensitive/finding it hard to shower concern to others around me - check
The causes of the burnout are rather apparent. Looming work deadlines = stress; helping colleague rush his work last week = less sleep for 2 nights; family quarrel = more emotional outpouring to emphatize, trying to be a peacemaker; lack of sleep in the camp... I had "panda eyes" by Sunday evening.
But being burnt out is no licence to be insensitive or critical. I regret having passed hurtful remarks over Sunday lunch that I shouldn't have. Can't believe I was so insensitive! Yes, I apologised and was graciously forgiven. But why do I still make such mistakes? I'm disappointed that I am so imperfect, that I still fall so easily. So now I know if I get too tired, I could get into a poor mood. I must then watch myself, and choose the wiser thing to say or say nothing, or just retreat away lest I sin.
So I wondered - if I just minded my own business, loved less, cared less about my family, about helping my colleagues, I wouldn't be so tired, hurt or burnt out. But that would be like what a speaker once said. It is possible to do that. Carefully wrap my heart with many layers, protect it from all possible hurts. And eventually, I would have... a perfectly DEAD heart.
The other lesson I learnt was about discerning God's will. I likened our Christian lives to driving along a highway towards heaven, with God's love as our fuel. Our destination is secure, the general direction is firm, yet the specific lane to take is not often clear. There can be traffic jams, accidents that could happen. The only assurance is that whatever path we take, we will eventually reach heaven, if we stay on the expressway. Yet I so often spend much time and energy wondering what is the correct lane to drive in? Which is God's specific road for me?
Ever so often, the obstacles along the way make me wonder if I had chosen the wrong lane, departing from God's will. Then I pray hard and seek for the right lane again. Perhaps with the idea that if I chose the right path that God planned for me, everything will be smooth sailing, blessings overflowing.
But that perhaps is only romanticised. Someone asked me "What if God told you, Xianghui, this is the path I have for you. But it is full of obstacles, curves and danger. Will you take it?" Yes, that could happen! And my immediate answer was unequivocally "Is there a choice? Yes I will"
Two things I got from this camp
(i) Switch the highway around and also the journey itself. Maybe what matters isn't which lane I take, but how these lessons and incidents I encounter along the way mould my character. These things are important too!
(ii) Sometimes especially for the grey areas with nothing to do with right or wrong, there may not be one specific lane. SP made it quite clear - I will stand guided by my conscience and the peace that guards my heart after having prayed.
Thus is my prayer, Psalm 19:14, "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord."
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Still alive!
Thank God I'm still alive! Encountered yet another near accident along Shk Zayed Road at 120km/h on the way back to Dubai yesterday. It's so scary to think what the alternative would have been if not for God's protection!
---------
On a lighter note, I overheard an interesting conversation between a couple recently and thought it was rather funny, so decided to doodle it down:
Thank God I'm still alive! Encountered yet another near accident along Shk Zayed Road at 120km/h on the way back to Dubai yesterday. It's so scary to think what the alternative would have been if not for God's protection!
---------
On a lighter note, I overheard an interesting conversation between a couple recently and thought it was rather funny, so decided to doodle it down:
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
Not taking things for granted
Just two Fridays ago, I got into a near car accident, almost ramming my dad's car into the back of a taxi. I guess the lack of sleep really affected my judgment. Thought that the taxi would turn at the flashing right arrow, but he didn't. Thank God the tyres are new, and screeched to bring my car to a halt as I slammed the brakes on. For that instant, I was left in a daze. But totally realising the fragility of life!
Then immediately after came the grim reminder of AF447. Indeed modern aviation has shrunk the world, making point-to-point air travel a routine. But no matter how confident we are in modern technology, the wisdom of man can be confounded. This brought to my mind a conversation I had with a gym attendant in the hotel that I stay in, who turned out to be a Christian. We were encouraging each other, and he said one thing "I am ready to go home to meet the Lord, because Jesus lives in me!" (hand pointing to his heart). Amen!! Such is the confidence of a believer :)
I made it a point to bless someone each week. And today, the opportunity came to bless one person - a Korean colleague. He looked overwhelmed after a long work discussion with his manager.
So after that I said to him, "why don't you pass this document to me, I'll put it into charts, then send it you so that at least you'll have a first draft and can save some time". He looked to me in amazement and said, "That will be great! You sure you can do that?" "Yup" I replied "will send it to you later tonight".
Sure it takes a bit more time from me, but this makes a world of difference for him - afterall he did share that he slept only 5 hours for the past 2 days!! I guess a little bit of kindness will go a long way :)
Saturday, June 06, 2009
A testimony to Your faithfulness
Yesterday morning I thought, "well, it's a boring Friday". As I looked at the highway in the distance, suddenly it struck me - wasn't this my prayer request?!! Wow! God is faithful, even when I am forgetful.
Just four weeks ago, major blocks of my life shifted out of place (e.g. dad's health) and I was asking "God, is it too much to ask for a life like most other 30-year olds, who are probably busying themselves building their marriages or careers, rather than having to worry about their parent's health? If it is Your will, please take this yoke from me..."
That I could blog about this today is already a testimony of God's faithfulness. My dad's ok now! He has indeed restored one block of my life to what it was before! Really filled my heart with gratitude.. God is faithful :) In the evening I went to W&I and to my greatest surprise, the theme was "Thanksgiving"!! Ah... sweet divine appointment.
One of the passages that I came across was in Luke 17:11-17.
"11Now on his way to Jerusalem, Jesus traveled along the border between Samaria and Galilee. 12As he was going into a village, ten men who had leprosy met him. They stood at a distance 13and called out in a loud voice, "Jesus, Master, have pity on us!"
14When he saw them, he said, "Go, show yourselves to the priests." And as they went, they were cleansed.
15One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back, praising God in a loud voice. 16He threw himself at Jesus' feet and thanked him—and he was a Samaritan.
17Jesus asked, "Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine? 18Was no one found to return and give praise to God except this foreigner?" 19Then he said to him, "Rise and go; your faith has made you well."
God answered the requests of the 10 lepers, yet only 1 came back to Him to give thanks. And what Jesus said was so telling - "Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine?" Clearly He expected the others to have the decency to at least come back and say "thank you" for the least.
I'm just glad that God has put in my heart enough sensitivity to my senses and to have a thankful Friday :)
Yesterday morning I thought, "well, it's a boring Friday". As I looked at the highway in the distance, suddenly it struck me - wasn't this my prayer request?!! Wow! God is faithful, even when I am forgetful.
Just four weeks ago, major blocks of my life shifted out of place (e.g. dad's health) and I was asking "God, is it too much to ask for a life like most other 30-year olds, who are probably busying themselves building their marriages or careers, rather than having to worry about their parent's health? If it is Your will, please take this yoke from me..."
That I could blog about this today is already a testimony of God's faithfulness. My dad's ok now! He has indeed restored one block of my life to what it was before! Really filled my heart with gratitude.. God is faithful :) In the evening I went to W&I and to my greatest surprise, the theme was "Thanksgiving"!! Ah... sweet divine appointment.
One of the passages that I came across was in Luke 17:11-17.
"11Now on his way to Jerusalem, Jesus traveled along the border between Samaria and Galilee. 12As he was going into a village, ten men who had leprosy met him. They stood at a distance 13and called out in a loud voice, "Jesus, Master, have pity on us!"
14When he saw them, he said, "Go, show yourselves to the priests." And as they went, they were cleansed.
15One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back, praising God in a loud voice. 16He threw himself at Jesus' feet and thanked him—and he was a Samaritan.
17Jesus asked, "Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine? 18Was no one found to return and give praise to God except this foreigner?" 19Then he said to him, "Rise and go; your faith has made you well."
God answered the requests of the 10 lepers, yet only 1 came back to Him to give thanks. And what Jesus said was so telling - "Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine?" Clearly He expected the others to have the decency to at least come back and say "thank you" for the least.
I'm just glad that God has put in my heart enough sensitivity to my senses and to have a thankful Friday :)
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