Let go and let God...

In the past week, major blocks in my life came crashing down - all of which are beyond my control. I lost count of the number of times I asked God "Why did this happen?"; "What have I done wrong that displeased You?"; "Would You take this burden away from me?"

A friend commented today " I came to realise that you can be quite helpless and vulnerable unlike the Xianghui I use to know." How true. I am seriously worried about my father and hadn't had a good night's sleep since Saturday. So Panadol's been a good companion this week; but I've developed a cough as well.

Dad's stomach pain is still there; the X-ray results wasn't clear and a follow up appointment is needed, but it can only be arranged much later. He's developed an allergic reaction to the medication and has been vomitting and a rash outbreak. Worse, his former breathing difficulty came back as well. My heart pains when I heard updates from my mum and brothers. But apart from praying and tears, what else can I do?

As I prayed and reflected upon my circumstances, some realisations come to mind:

• I apply the principle to seek God for direction, then act on things. But perhaps I have been sitting in the "driver's seat" working on some issues for too long. Indeed for so many things, it matters not my best efforts or most sincere intentions. Maybe this is what God wants me to learn in this season, to turn the driver's seat back to Him. Let go and let God. I hear it loud and clear.
• How timely it was that I watched the video titled "Indescribable" last week. I still remember vividly that 5.188 billion miles = a light-year. But the key takeaway is just how big and majestic a God I have! Who am I that You care so deeply for me to die on the cross for my sins? You who are omnipotent are able to do all these things that I can't, if it is in accordance with Your will.
• I deeply love my family. Yes, even my dad, who's a hard and private man, a pre-believer but one who's responsible in all his ways. I thought about my family fondly during my days in Bonn, and evermore so now. So while I may not say this outwardly, I can say with all my heart, "I love you, dad".

"Abba Father, I fail in so many ways Your Holy standards. But thank You for the grace, for forgiveness of my sins as I acknowledge them. You alone know the trying circumstances in my life. Lead me in Your ways. Grant in me greater faith to see You bigger in my life. Help me to surrender my worries, concerns unto You, to let go and let You take over. I ask for Your healing hand upon my father that he will recover completely; preserve his life that he may know You. In Jesus' name, Amen."