Today marks the end of my one-year break as a student. The past five-weeks in Singapore (13 Jul – 14 Aug) was journey of brokenness that helped me realize how big a God I have.

The warm fuzzy feelings of holidays in the first week quickly faded away as my wait for the visa dragged. I grew restless and doubtful – when will the visa be approved? Or will it be? Will my employer still keep the job for me despite the long wait?

I even tried interviewing for other jobs. But the best (and only) offer was ~65% of what I last drew before the MBA. I didn't even get more than two interviews after sending out over ten CVs. I felt helpless. I whined. I complained. My soul grew bitter and resentful. All my efforts and striving has come to zero.

Yes, I have failed the test, unlike Jacob. Yet I distinctively felt that God didn’t want me to do the dishonorable thing of getting another job and possibly ditching my German employer, but I wanted to try to hedge my chances anyway.

I separately met two old friends (Paul and Loon), who in different ways told me one message - to cease striving and commit my career outcome to God. I knew they meant well, but just found it so hard to do - a simple act of surrender, being humble and broken before Him. I gave in, and in came a great peace and rest, realizing that God is in full control. I was also greatly humbled upon reading Ps 103:14-17

“for He knows how we are formed, He remembers that we are dust. As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower in the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more but from everlasting to everlasting, the Lord's love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children's children - with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts.”

God needed to bring me through a period of wilderness to be broken. Words from song (Healer) echoed through my thoughts, seemingly as an anthem of faith: “ I’ll trust in You… I believe You’re my fortress. I believe You’re more than enough for me... Jesus You’re all I need… Nothing is impossible for you… Nothing is impossible for you… You hold my world in Your hand”.

Indeed I lay claim to Ps 37:24
"though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with His hand."



(Rhine river. Post Tower is the bigger building to the right)









Fast forward to 9 Aug when the much awaited email finally arrived in my inbox - my work visa has been approved. The next few days came and gone like a whirlwind and before long, I’ve arrived in here in Bonn.

Tomorrow is a BIG day. Once again, my mind is filled with anxiety – will I be able to get up to the pace of work again? Will my colleagues and bosses be kind people?

All these, I lay before my God.